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Practice Library

My Child Wants to Stop: Questions to Ask First

What research says about why children stop activities, questions to ask before deciding, and how to stop well if that is the choice.

Prepared by The Editorial Team

Updated 4 October 2026

Details checked October 2026. Schemes and limits change, so confirm on the official page.

Your child says they want to stop an activity. You may wonder whether to let them, or ask them to keep going. This page won’t tell you which. It can help you think it through. It sets out what research can say, questions to ask first, and how to stop well if you decide to.

Our suggestion: wanting to stop does not mean something is wrong.

What can research tell me?

Studies of children who left organised sport linked it to five main areas. These were lack of enjoyment, feeling less capable, pressure from others, other priorities, and injuries or growing. Most of the studies were of teenagers, and about nine in ten participants were male. These findings may fit your child less well. In a Sydney study asking people years later, those who stopped music recalled feeling less connected to others beforehand. We found no study that tests whether making a child finish a term helps.

What should I ask first?

Our suggestion: these questions are ours. The research each draws on is below.

  • What has changed? Is it the fun, how they feel about how they are doing, the people, or the time it takes?
  • Is it this activity, or this group, time or level? Changing the format or level is one of the four outcomes in Choosing a First Step.
  • What is it replacing? Sleep and other activities count. Our post on busy schedules asks the same question.
  • Does anything hurt? If pain or an injury is part of it, a doctor is the person to ask.
  • Who chose it? It helps to know whether your child asked to start it or whether it was arranged for them. Neither is wrong.

If we stop, how do we stop well?

Our suggestion: none of this is a research finding.

  • Check the notice and refund terms before the last session. Questions 9 and 10 of our questions to ask about fees cover them.
  • Decide together when to stop, or whether a pause fits better. Step 5 of Choosing a First Step sets out four outcomes.
  • Let your child say goodbye to the group if they want to.
  • For a school CCA, ask the school how changes work.

What if something else is going on?

MOE encourages students to talk to their teachers, “who will provide the first level of support” (5 December 2025). It says school counsellors help students facing social, emotional or mental health challenges. For bullying, MOE’s page for parents says: “Contact the form teacher or Year Head” (23 June 2026). Parents can also report bullying to the school or to MOE; the same page explains how. We cannot advise on health, safety or bullying.

What didn’t we find?

We found no study that tests rules such as finishing a term before stopping. In the MOE and HealthHub pages we read, we found no current guidance for primary-age children on stopping. We checked on 4 October 2026.

The evidence behind this

For readers who want to check our work. Each source below shows what it looked at, what it found, where it falls short and how we use it. Two were read from the abstract only (Crane and Temple; McPherson and Davidson), and we use only what each abstract states.

Dropout from organised sport: a 2015 review (Crane and Temple)

  • Looked at: 43 studies of children and young people who dropped out of organised sport. We read the abstract only.
  • Found: “five major areas emerged: lack of enjoyment, perceptions of competence, social pressures, competing priorities” and physical factors (maturation and injuries).
  • Limits: most studies were of adolescents, and 89% of participants were male. Most looked at one point in time, so they show links, not causes. The abstract does not rank the five areas.
  • How we use it: the research summary, and the questions “What has changed?”, “What is it replacing?” and “Does anything hurt?”.

A Sydney music study (Evans, McPherson and Davidson, 2013)

  • Looked at: a study that began in 1997 with 157 children aged 8 to 10, starting band at eight Sydney primary schools. Ten years later, 104 answered a survey.
  • Found: before stopping, people recalled feeling less connected to others than when they were most engaged. Results for feeling capable were mixed, and the autonomy measure was not significant.
  • Limits: people were asked years later, and the authors note the effects of hindsight. All began in brass and woodwind school band programmes.
  • How we use it: the research summary, and the question “What has changed?”.

Children who stopped in their first year of music (McPherson and Davidson, 2002)

  • Looked at: 157 beginners aged 7 to 9, and their mothers, over the first year of learning an instrument. We read the abstract only.
  • Found: children who stopped had typically expected, before lessons began, to practise more than was realistic. Once lessons started, they practised less than children who continued.
  • Limits: one group in one city; the abstract gives no figures.
  • How we use it: the question “What has changed?”, which includes how the activity compares with what your child expected.

Leaving music schools in Slovenia (Kavčič Pucihar, Habe, Rotar Pance and Laure, 2024)

  • Looked at: focus groups with six students aged 7 to 14 who had left public music schools in Slovenia, six parents, 12 teachers and five principals.
  • Found: other activities competing for time were the outside reason raised most often. The authors write that “competing extracurricular commitments, music theory and solfége lessons, and teacher’s approach” were most prominent.
  • Limits: a small qualitative study in one country, about music schools.
  • How we use it: the question “What is it replacing?”.

Where the other questions come from

“Is it this activity, or this group, time or level?” follows the four outcomes in Choosing a First Step. “Who chose it?” comes from our post on busy schedules; we make no research claim for it. “If we stop, how do we stop well?” is our suggestion throughout.

Searches for “finish the term” rules

We searched OpenAlex, Europe PMC and Crossref on 4 October 2026 for studies that test rules such as finishing a term or season before stopping. We found none. The nearest was a US study of college applications, which links school activities with later degrees but tests no rule.

Not covered here

This page does not cover learning needs, health, bullying, school CCA rules, or secondary school. For those, start with your child’s school.

Sources